Kunal Kohli and the Missing Umbrella

June 16, 2008

Kunal Kohli must be struck down upon with great vengeance.

Not because Thoda Pyaar Thoda Magic mixes Hindi, Urdu and English words into the title. I actually approve of that.

Not because it’s a ripoff of Mary Poppins. After all, you can’t expect better from a man who’s already ripped off When Harry Met Sally and The Truth About Cats and Dogs.

Not even because the sardar kid in the movie looks like an aspiring suicide bomber in the posters. Yes, looking at his surly gaze can put you off lunch, but I suppose it’s not really his fault or even Kohli’s.

No, the reason Kunal Kohli must be viciously and brutally attacked is that in the process of ripping of Mary Poppins, he has replaced the nanny’s magic umbrella with a magic bicycle. This is nothing but a slap in the face of the good, decent, lower to middle-middle class folks in Mumbai for whom an umbrella is their only defence in the monsoons – unlike poncy git filmmakers with chauffeur driven cars.

A violent assault on Kunal Kohli represents the highest form of class warfare. To the barricades, comrades!


Tashan

April 25, 2008

… is like a Hindi film version of a superhero crossover. Kareena Kapoor plays Elektra, or possibly O-Ren Ishii. Akshay Kumar plays a Kanpuriya version of Shang-Chi or Iron Fist. Saif Ali Khan doesn’t fit the superhero stereotype quite as well, but in the second half appears to be like Tony Stark. But then he is typecast as Tony Stark.

The movie also enforces the stereotype of people from UP being uncultured and evil criminals. This is excellent. Only when the popular consciousness turns against the Allahabadi elites will we be able to overthrow the oppressive Indian state and replace it with a loose federation of Saivite neo-Edwardian empires.

Also, due to a makeup fiasco, there is a scene in which Kareena Kapoor has a white face and a pink nose.

Finally, the second half approaches action-movie all-time greatness. Akshay Kumar fights ninjas! On an electricity transmission tower! In a UP don’s lair! Which makes the songs and the first half unnecessary diversions that should have been dispensed with. Such is life.