Humour « Wokay!

If The Shoe Fits

June 11, 2006

On the topic of vegetarianism, the Master wrote:

Cut him off from the proteins and the amino-acids, and you soured his normally amiable nature, turning him into a sullen hater of his species who asked nothing better than to bite his n. and dearest and bite them good. But give him this steak and kidney pie outlet, thus allowing him to fulfil what they call his legitimate aspirations, and chagrin would vanish and he would become his old loveable self once more. The dark scowl would be replaced by the tender simper, the acid crack by the honeyed word, and all would be hotsy-totsy once more.

This could explain why Gujjus are so ornery, and go about rioting and vandalising and whatnot. All they need to do is have a nice steak, and they will overflow with love and benevolence once more.

Leave a Comment » | Books Movies and Music, Humour, Society | Permalink
Posted by Aadisht

Gorilla Meets Gawaar

June 10, 2006

If I had a huge gorilla behind me, I’d be screaming with terror and running away with my valuables too. And the gorilla might be angry because he’s next to a Himesh Reshammiya poster.

Leave a Comment » | Humour, Photography | Permalink
Posted by Aadisht

Getting Offended By Ads

June 10, 2006

I saw a TV commercial that enraged me. The first time I didn’t pay a great deal of attention.

A little boy, a well-fed kid, is by himself and finds his shoelace his undone. He decides then and there to learn how to tie it by himself. The camera lingers on him, on his intense look of concentration. He experiments, draws diagrams in the mud. It goes on and on; it looks inspiring. Finally the punchline of the card comes up. I thought it was going to be for a breakfast cereal or a milk additive for your children.

But then, besides his look of triumph you see a message for Surf Excel- “When kids set their mind on something, dirt gets in everywhere. So use Surf Excel to get dirt out of tough corners.” My jaw actually dropped. What was the message of this ad? That no matter what a kid’s learnings are, all that matters is that his clothes are clean? How crass, even cruel can you get?

Am I missing out on something here? I’m still angry- was it meant to be funny? Millions of boys and girls in this country spend their childhood in a school system that discourages self-learning and creative thinking- while we lucky few can write blogposts. Let’s subordinate their creativity to washing powder while we’re at it. Surf Excel is owned by Hindustan Lever. Shame on it, and on its advertising agency.

Leave a Comment » | Humour, Photography, Uncategorized | Permalink
Posted by Aadisht

Mallus = Bongs

May 29, 2006

I have a longstanding hypothesis that Mallus are not actually South Indians, but Bongs who have migrated to South India.

Consider the similarities. Both communities make delicious fish. Both have a tendency to elect communists with mind numbing regularity. Both are soccer fanatics.

Still not convinced? Both of them speak languages which are completely unintelligible to other people. They both make and appreciate art films that nobody else understands. And both refuse to work while in their home states, but turn into exemplars of hard work and productivity when they migrate.

I’m not saying it has to be true, but some testing for genetic markers could help settle the question.

35 Comments | Humour | Permalink
Posted by Aadisht

How to get linked by India Uncut

May 18, 2006

Writing quality stuff won’t cut it. There’s already so much good stuff around, there’s no guarantee your stuff will be the one linked too. No, to get an Uncutlanche you must appeal to Amit Varma’s baser instincts. As I do below.

Read the rest of this entry »

Leave a Comment » | Blogs and Blogging, Humour | Permalink
Posted by Aadisht

The Futility of Regulation

April 8, 2006

बतखों को छेड़-छाड़ करना मना है: Harassing the ducks is forbidden.

Read the rest of this entry »

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Posted by Aadisht

Singapore Police Arrests PETA Activist Dressed As Bear

March 18, 2006

Nothing I can say about this will be funnier than the headline and the photos.

Photos here.

Link via Tomorrow

Leave a Comment » | Humour, Links | Permalink
Posted by Aadisht

Structured Products in the PPT World

February 12, 2006

On my blog, I had recently written about the market for minus attendance, with the attendance in question being the attendance for company PPTs. I had written about the pricing of PPTs and how some juniors tried to undercut each other in order to make some quick money.

The last couple of days have seen some interesting structured products and barters coming into this market. For example, I have been able to buy a couple of -PPTs by paying madman aadisht in terms of blogposts. I write stupid posts like this one and get him to go for PPTs instead of me! Then, liquor has also entered the market. A friend of mine got a junior to go for him by paying him two swigs of some expensive beer. There is this other junior who takes payments only by way of cigarettes!

I had also mentioned in that blogpost that there doesn’t seem to be a concept of variable compensation here, compensation varying with the length of the PPT. Two of my friends struck one such contract a few hours ago. Rs. 200 (note the substantial increase) for the first 1 1/2 hours and Rs. 50 for every additional half hour! Unfortunately for the guy who bought the -PPT, the talk ended in half an hour!

5 Comments | Business and Economics, Humour, MBA | Permalink
Posted by Aadisht

Airport Modernization

February 4, 2006

As everyone knows by now, Delhi and Mumbai airports are going to be modernized by private contractors, and the AAI has promptly gone on strike.

Since the new contractors have committed to retain all staff for the next three years, and retain at least 60% of the staff beyond that, what exactly is troubling these people so much that they are declaring an illegal strike to protest? Is it blind opposition to privatization? Is it sheer cussedness? Is it politics?

Actually, it is none of these. What everyone has forgotten is that the leaders of both the winning consortiums- GMR and GVK- are both Gult companies. The AAI workers, are quite understandably, worried that the new management will change their uniforms and that they will end up looking like this or this, or horror of horrors, this. (Warning: links not only Not Safe For Work, but probably Not Safe For Anything)

So you see, the way out of the impasse is really very simple. All that has to be done for the strike to end is for the new management to assure the employees that the design of new uniforms, if any, will be left to the German and Malaysian partners.

1 Comment | Humour | Permalink
Posted by Aadisht

Curses! Foiled again!

January 9, 2006

Aqua has discovered the Pompous Libertarian conspiracy to defame Chetan Bhagat’s excellent writing skills. Dammit!

We Pompous Libertarians were hoping to inflame our attacks on Chetan Bhagat into a full-fledged blogosphere war, eventually resulting in a Desipundit sticky post. While the rest of the blogosphere would have been preoccupied with attacking or defending Bhagat, we would have stealthily carried out the next step in our plan for complete world domination.

But now that Aqua has outed us, we’ll just have to think of some other diversionary tactics. I hate it when that happens.